Peer-less parenting

Please get one thing straight.  Somehow, someway, along the way parents have been tricked into thinking that peer interaction is good for kids/youth merely for its own sake.

 I don't quite know how this came to be but I have a few reflections that might make you think twice about sending your kids/young adults off to play with their friends.

I am not saying that peer interaction is inherently bad, but it should not be embraced across the board as a universally accepted good parenting technique.  Peer interaction CAN be healthy, if closely monitored and limited!

Parents often think that what kids 'want' is good for them and most parents are unwilling to be unpopular with their offspring and so they cave.

Here are a few things to consider:

Here is a quick little reminder about "mob mentality" or herd mentality, etc.
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-mob-mentality.htm

There is dichotomy that emerges in this debate or peer interaction that is astounding.  Many teens, parents, psychologists etc. find that "peer pressure" leads to much of the trouble teens face.  However, parents still somehow feel that peer interaction is essential to a child's healthy development.

Is it to blame for bad behavior or is it recommended procedure?

 Are we meant to be schizophrenic about this topic or can we attain a decent level of consistency.

Did you know that the 3rd leading cause of death among young adults is suicide (Ages 10-25) in the US.
In Montana suicide has reached 2nd place in cause of death

.http://www.krtv.com/news/suicide-is-2nd-leading-cause-of-death-for-mt-youth/

A mom talks about her 19 year old son " Twelve hours later, after spending the night drinking with friends, he took his own life." (bold italics mine)


This tale is an all too common one... teens have suicide clubs and suicide pacts together!  Look out parents!

Many suicides are induced by intense bullying -- one of the great facets peer interaction has to offer.

Here are some other great things peer interaction has to offer--- a virtual "must have" for teens list:

The top ten things Teens most likely will NOT get/do alone (some are virtually impossible!)--

and therefore MUST be allowed peer interaction for the following to occur...

1. STDs
2. Initiated into a Gang
3. Raped
4. Pregnant
5. Bullied
6. drunk...someone has to buy boos for them! (Assuming the parents are not the supplier!)
7. loaded...raves, parties, etc.  You gotta have a buddy to supply (Assuming the parents are not the supplier!)
8. get caught up in mob mentality
9.  influenced by peer pressure
10. into a fight...

I would like someone to give me a "top ten" benefits to peer interaction.  I would venture a guess that the list would be pretty meager.  (Perhaps getting the most up to date gossip is one...)

Send your youth to volunteer at a senior center, library, YMCA, or something of that nature.  Even for younger kids, peer interaction is a bad idea!  Have them spend time with grandparents, or older siblings who are good people, because we have all seen the effects kids have upon each other-kids are brutal to each other, merciless and cruel from an early age.  Unfortunately this reality doesn't get better amongst teens!

Sports are also a great option if you can affirm the coaching and supervision! -Nothing will be perfect, but a supervised, intentional activity has a far greater chance of success than just hanging out.

For the most part, peer interaction should be limited, closely supervised, and balanced with other relationships   that have a chance at producing a good influence, rather than an almost certainly negative impact from generic peer interaction.

Parents: question the motivation you have for putting a value upon peer interaction?  It is because society has programmed us to believe a certain lie about kids really NEEDING this for growth?  Because when you confront the facts of the matter, there is much risk without the possibility for much reward!  You stand to lose a lot through peer interaction, but as you step back and do the math, there is little, if any to gain!

Youth need to be exposed to good role models, and influenced by people making good life decisions, and exposed to wise people who are choosing positive life decisions.  These qualities are hard to find among young people, if not impossible!

So think before you buy into the modern mentality that places such a premium value on peers getting together.
Do you remember how you learned your first bad words, the dirty stuff about sex, and got into the most trouble?  Probably with friends!

Summary: peer interaction, even among smaller kids is OVERRATED, to say the least. It should be limited, supervised, and intentional.  Kids/youth should be exposed to relationships and not isolated of course. But these relationships should be intentional and focused.

Parents don't risk it, there is NOTHING to gain!